(Day 19 – Things you want to say to an ex)

Whimsical. That place was utterly and magically whimsical. As my feet touched the ethereal carpet that surrounded the Lake of Imagination, I realized I wasn’t exactly sure what it was that brought me there. Was it the allure to tuck the busy office overnight sessions away into the back pockets of my mind that seduced me to the lake? Was it the need to simply get away and get lost in a world of dreams and imagination? Was it just the ferns and the vines and the prospect of gazing into clear reflective waters that led me to the its mossy green banks?

Or was it “him”? I was there for only a moment or two before he eventually arrived. Him, with his wavy hair and his playful yet deep, melancholy eyes. He sat next to me. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey. How’s your day?”

“Great.”  The air between us was light and easy. I was restful, as I always was, in his company.

I was about to get into a more detailed discourse when “they” started to appear. They emerged from out of the trees and out of the bushes. They started peeping through the ferns and began dancing through the woods.

Strange. Why were they suddenly showing up? They – men who were ghosts of pasts I never had?

There was that chocolate-haired boy. There were the friends I had back in primary school. There was my seatmate. And there were the guitarists, the pianists, the writers and – were they really that many?

I wasn’t sure if he could see them. I wasn’t sure if their spirit-like presence would even be of any importance to him.

Not that they did matter. Nothing actually happened between those guys and me. If anything, it was all one-sided – me writing cheesy poetry and whatnots. But since I did inexplicably give shards of my heart away to them… That might matter to him.

The phantoms hovered over to me. As they drew near, I felt my defenses rise up. Why were they here? What did they plan on doing?

“What do you want?” I asked apprehensively.

They stared at me. Their faces were unrecognizable and I couldn’t really be sure if they were looking right at me or not, but I could just feel their blurry eyes boring into mine.

“I know what you want,” I attempted. “You want release, don’t you?”

That seemed to get a response from them. I had no idea why they needed release or that I even held on to something that needed to be released. But I wanted them to go away. So I went for it.

“Okay. Guys from pasts I never had. I release you all. I release all the parts of you that have latched on to those hidden crevices of my heart. I hold no grudges against you. I forgive you, I now declare all the pain that you have unknowingly inflicted upon me to be gone. Null. Void. Non-existent. I wish you joy, love, and lives well lived, lives full of glory and abundance. You are all free. I now proclaim you all to be free.”

Their phantom eyes seemed to light up and, like wisps of smoke, the ghosts of my past vanished into the foggy air. So. That’s what they all needed. I let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Who were those people?”

I started. “Did you see them, too?”


His brows were furrowed, his eyes held that concerned look that I’ve learned to be familiar with. “Are you okay?”

“I am. Are you?”

He smiled at me, his eyes real and full of soul.

“Am I? I am.”

5 thoughts on “Phantoms”

  1. I so can relate to this post. I am actually thankful that I have never been committed to any of my ex-crushes because my life would surely be miserable haha.

    Now cues the song “Best Thing I Never Had” LOLS.

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