For quite some time, I’ve been swinging back and forth between two extremes: being overly emotional and being excessively emotionally “numb”. On one hand, I’d be too busy with busyness to feel rapture and despair, but on the other extreme hand, during those days of un-busyness, I would tend to feel too much, ending up sleepless because of all the unsorted-out emotions.
I woke up one day realizing that I needed to strike a balance somewhere. I needed to find a middle ground. Because if I didn’t, I’d probably end up being bipolar or something. That wouldn’t be good.
So how do I strike that balance? How do I keep myself from switching back and forth between Ice Queen and Emo Girl and stay… stay… stay…
… stay as what? Stay as what, Mari?
Well, as a child, I guess.
Whoa. How do I strike a balance? Lo and behold, there’s the answer to my question right there. To strike a balance, I simply need to stay as a child. Become a child. Remain in that childlike state. For it is in that childlike state – it is in living in my identity as a daughter (and a precious and deeply loved one at that) – that I can chuck the Ice Queen and Emo Girl costumes away and live out my true, non-bipolarish identity.
While listening to the Friday meeting this evening, I received this picture from Daddy God.
It’s a little girl, clothed in the color of royalty, shining like a diadem in the hands of the Father. The rapture on her face exhibits delight (her Maker amazes her), and okay, her outfit sort of looks like some sort of pajama, but I can explain that. In Cambodia, we learned that pajamas are the fashion for the rich and elite. You would see people wearing pajamas in broad daylight. But the thing is, it is only those who could afford the outfit who would dare strut around the streets in those matching teddy-bear or checkered prints. Well the little girl isn’t wearing prints, but she’s wearing royal pajamas nonetheless, showing that she is of a more than well-off status.
And she is hugging her knees, the same thing that I was doing as Jovelyn Saligumba was belting out “Stay Amazed” in the Destiny Livestream.
To put it simply, that child is God’s picture of me. And so that will be the picture that I will continue to be.
But that drawing isn’t just simply intended for me. Sure, it is a reminder of my identity, a reminder to remain as that child whose staying amazed blocks out both numbness and emo-rides. But I believe that picture could also be for you. For you might have been wearing some sort of costume (not necessarily the Ice Queen and Emo Girl ones) when God is just calling you to simply live as a child in His hands. You know. Delighting in Him. Staying amazed.
Know what? I’ll stay amazed. Let’s all stay amazed.