To Love or Not To Love?


To love or not to love? To give or not to give? To receive or not to receive? Who to love, how to love, when to love and – why on earth even bother with the word itself?

heart

Why am I even typing away about this strange, strange, strange thing called love? Mengapa, mengapa, mengapa? Bakit, bakit, bakit? Why, oh why, oh why?

Sigh. I feel as if my heart’s about to burst because of all the love that it wants to give and because of all the love that it wishes to receive and contain.

Do I sound like some lovesick girl in dire need of a love doctor? Haha. Fooled you. I’m not talking about that kind of love here. I’m talking about a different kind of love – a love that I get to experience every moment of every day, a love that I know that I will cherish forever and ever.

I’m talking about “love from all over”.

I wish I could call up Mr. Webster and tell him to include that phrase in the dictionary. I wish I could phone the guys at Google as well, telling them to regard the entire thing as a single noun-slash-verb (instead of treating it as that weird phrase enclosed in those two strange double quotes). But since I can do neither, I’ll just have to make do with a semi-make-believe “word” for a while.

Yes, the “word” is semi-make-believe. But the emotions, the heart, and the truth behind that “word” are anything but. Because this “love from all over” thing is just so, so real to me right now. And because of that realness, today, on my 22nd birthday, I would just like to thank all of you for giving truth to that “word”. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to everyone for giving meaning to this “love from all over”.

I am so tempted to keep this entry short because I’m afraid that I might bore and eventually lose you. But you know what? I’m chucking the KISS (Keep It Short and Simple) principle for a while (kelan ko ba sinunod yon? Lol) and let my fingers dance on this keyboard for as long as they want to, letting my heart and emotions go as far as they wish to. I shall thank and appreciate all whom I can thank and appreciate, without bounds and without limits. (Haha. I think I can hear a few “uh-oh’s” from the other side of the computer screen).

But hey. It’s my day, okay? So allow me to start things off with my beloved family.

My Beloved Family. Ma, Pa, Quantum – you have no idea how precious you all are to me. I have a feeling that everyone around me already knows about you all as well. Who hasn’t heard of my corny, intellectual, yet oh-so-loving parents? Who hasn’t come across the name of my odd, melancholic, yet quirkily sweet brother? I am just so, so blessed to have you all. God knows how deeply your simple (and crazy) calls, messages, and comments touch me – how they encourage me and how they lift me up during some of the lowest points of my stay here. I am proud, honoured, and blessed to be called “daughter” and to be called “sister” as well. I miss you. From the kid whom you fondly call Anggolik.

The Entire Lubrica Clan. Yey. Here’s to my cousins who I grew up playing house, skul-skulan, tagu-taguan, and yes – baril-barilan with. Here’s to the households downstairs with the awesome collection of books, references, hand-me-down-school-uniforms, VCDs, Sony Playstation games and PS cheatsheets. Here’s to the kiddos whose sunburns are proofs of our family outings at the beach and Asin resorts. Here’s to my all star aunts and uncles whose borders and influence now reach different parts of the globe. Here’s to our family at the States whose FB, blog comments, and posts are all great encouragements to that girl called “Madi.” And here’s to my Lola who is still as active – and of course – as loving as ever. “Madishu” sends out her love.

Balberan Peeps. The Pacific and some other seas and oceans may separate us all, but your love has never failed to reach our humble abode. As a kid, I would always go gaga over the balikbayan boxes that you faithfully post to Betag. Thank you for the unending supply of clothes, toys, chocolates, gadgets, and of course – love, love, love, love. I wish I could visit you all again someday. Anjeli says thank you to you all. : )

Highschool Friends. “As we go on, we remember all the times we’ve spent together” (Graduation by Vitamin C). How is everyone? I’m sorry for being so out of touch these past seasons – but know that you all are still in my very heart of hearts. Congratulations to all the wedded ones, to the employed ones and to all those in-between – haha, what was I saying? We’ve grown a lot from those kids who bagged those jingle awards, from those guys and girls who made the student teachers cry. I miss our turon and toknene days. I miss rolling my eyes at the befine boys as well. I hope that we can all catch up with one another soon. But my deepest gratitude goes out to you all who made high school life the best for me. : )

ICS Dudes and Dudettes. We can change the world! Yey! “Turn off your monitors. Bring out one fourth sheet of paper.” I so miss saying those words out loud. I so miss my room at C-117, going to Tita Flor and Tita Au’s room to get my printouts, going up the PCLABS, and manoeuvring  through the often crowded ICS hallways. To my ex-teachers-turned-ex-co-teachers, to my classmates, to my students, to the ICS staff, to my adviser and to the heads of the departments – much thanks for all the lessons that I got from you both as a student and as a teacher. Thank you for making my UP stay truly worthwhile.

Destiny Family. Whenever I talk about home, I would always have to explain that I have my hometown but that I have a place which I consider as my second home in the Philippines. All because of you people. SOD, Professionals, Teens and Kids – can I just mention all the sectors here? Can I mention all the names of the people who fill up the seats of the MaGym centre and upload all the pictures of every precious, precious “kapamilya”? You have all played a big, big, big part of my life. You still do. You have helped me in my growth as a person, as a princess of the King. It’s funny how I can truly call people whom I am not related to by blood “family”. Thank you for leading me, for guiding me, for supporting me, for releasing me, for believing in me. Thank you for inspiring me, for pushing me, for encouraging me, and for simply loving me. My heart goes out to all of you. : )

The Original Cell. It does sound like a buko pie! Cell’s and The Original combined. : D But you all know who you are. Gosh. Time flies so fast! And yey! It’s a joy to see how we are all flying to wherever God is taking us. Ate Jez, I’m going to give you a special mention here – I know God is preparing you for something great, great, and great. I owe you my most heartfelt gratitude, because if you had not “chased” after Marian and me (oh-so-discreetly, yes) – who knows where I might be right now? Baka nasa kabundukan na ako. Or something. Thank you. And to the cell, especially to Nanay Patty – I love you all. : )

My Girls. God knows how seeing each one of you grow in Him brings such joy and encouragement to my heart. Ask my batchmates what made me cry at the Baguio-Anda outing and they’ll tell you that it was the mere thought of leaving you girls behind. I’m so proud of each one of you, at your “accomplishments” whether big or small, demonstrated on stage or done in secret. I wish I could have been there in your productions, in your SP defences, in your project presentations, during those times that you simply needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on – but I hope you know that I’m still here. A chat or a letter away. I miss you, dearests. I thank God for bringing you girls to me. : )

Mentors, Leaders, and Friends. Those three words do go together. Mentors-leaders-and-friends.

No words could express how much I honour each one of you – every leader, every mentor who has pushed, prodded, and inspired me to grow up, to be released, and to simply fly.

And I thank God because I have also found friends in each one of you. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for raising your ceiling so high so that our – my floor – is sky-high as well. I honour you all. Thank you so, so much.

Covenant Peeps. Gusto ko man kayong isa-isahin dito, pero kumusta naman tayo diba? I’ll end up with an entry that’s at least 10 pages long. But I believe you’ve already had enough blog stardom in my “Ode[s] to Friendship”, in my “Granny Moments a.ka. Memorable Moments with my Batchmates”, and in that “Growing up” thing – so this small section will have to do for now. : ) You already get enough of me from those letters that I send you guys every now and again, anyway.

But that just goes to show how special you all are and how truly special you all make me feel. Yeah, all of you – in your own crazy and unique ways – do have that effect on me. Let’s do something fun shall we? Say this to yourself: “I, *insert name here*, am special in my own crazy and unique way to Miss Mari Anjeli B. Lubrica.” *Muse on a memorable moment with me while you say this aloud. ;D*

Full force parin, right? I love you all. : )

My Home away from Home. I think I’m just going to cry a bucketful of tears at this point. No, not because of sadness, but because of extreme gratitude. What can I say? Thank you. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. Maraming maraming salamat. I am grateful for the people who spent the night at the Sungai Buloh hospital waiting for the arrival of a person who was actually already there, for the folks who supported an “illegal” girl through her passport and visa episodes, for the bunch who laughed through the lost gal’s bus ride escapades, for the crazy peeps who continually tease the bunso to death. I am grateful, grateful, grateful to be part of this family. I look forward to sharing more memories with you. I do. : )

Kawan-kawan saya. Kepada kawan-kawan saya sini Malaysia – that’s about as far as my BM can take me and I’m not even sure if my sentence construction is right. Tapi, saya nak cakap that I am just so grateful that your hearts are wide enough to let this strange Filipino girl in. Terima kasih for the makan-makan sessions around the campus or wherever. I hope to be able to spend more time with you and that I’d be able to see more of this country through your eyes. Boleh? ‘Ma Kasih. : )

Him who is my Everything. How can I not thank the One who is the greatest source of Love?  My greatest source of Love? Lord… God… Father… Here I am. Just your daughter. Just your child. Ready to receive more of Your love. And ready to just simply overflow. I simply live for You. From You, through You, and for You. I love You.

* * *

Thus ends this long discourse. Thank you, if you have gotten this far. I know that I am sometimes limited in my loving – I used to have intimacy issues, sidestepping away at the slightest hint of true nearness – but I know God is changing me. I extend my deepest apologies to all those whom I have hurt intentionally or unintentionally along the way. Minta maafkan.

And so, once again, from the deepest, deepest, deepest part of my heart – Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Thank you for giving me this “love from all over”. Thank you for making my 22 years in planet earth oh-so-worthwhile.

Blessings,

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9 thoughts on “To Love or Not To Love?

  1. Anjeli's Mommy says:

    I wish to thank also everyone who has touched our daughter’s life, especially with much love and care. Though we want her to be more physically here with us, we realize that our daughter has her own life to live. So we can only continue praying and trusting that God is always with her, guiding and protecting her. And it warms my heart and comforts me, that is our daughter is living a happy and blessed life. WE LOVE YOU, ANGGOLIKLIK!

  2. aUNTIE jOY says:

    CONGRATS, MARI, FOR HAVING DONE THIS WEBSITE AND ALL ITS WRITEUPS – IT TRULY IS AWESOME & WONDERFUL. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT WE CONSIDER OURSELVES LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, EVER SINCE WE SAW UR PICS WHEN U WERE BORN AN THEN FINALLY SEEING U ALL BUNDLED UP AS A BABY. I REMEMBER TRYING TO CARRY YOU WHEN STROLLING BAGUIO CITY AND I REALIZED HOW STRONG UR MOM MUST BE COZ I HELD U FOR ONLY A FEW MINUTES AND MY ARMS WERE ALREADY FAILING ME AND I WAS ALREADY CROUCHING WITH UR WEIGHT – U WERE THAT HEALTHY, HA HA. THEN U CAME TO VISIT CEBU: WHEN U ARRIVED U WERE STILL SIOPAO FACE – STILL FAIR, THEN AFTER A FEW DAYS OF BEACH AND PASYAL2, UR FACE BECAME BIBINGKA FACE, BROWNED AND BURNT IN SOME AREAS – HI HI. THEN DELIGHTING WITH UR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, PWQERA USOG, AS U R GROWING UP. TAKE CARE, AND STAY LOVING AND LOVABLE!

    • Dear Auntie Joy — a shocking comment. Hehehe. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Haha. I was wasn’t I? Mom was too scared that I’d end up being too skinny. :D Yey. Thank you. Take care! Hugs to cebu! :)

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