Am I this dark and melancholy during this time of the night??? Sigh. Forgive me for the semi-dark, brooding, and angsty tone of this entry. I just need to get this off my chest. “This too shall pass.” – India Arie
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Goodness. Past midnight and I’m semi-wide-awake, typing away about headaches, heartaches, and whatnots.
I crashed into bed at around 9 PM, determined to wake up early to work on an assignment. But after two and a half hours of sleep – here I am, up once again, tormented by an aching forehead and plagued by throbbing temples.
And shattered by a broken heart. Uh-huh… Righhhhtt. Let’s not talk about that one.
Kurang Manis. “Less sweet.” Ugh. I love sweets. I have a sweet tooth and sweets are a sure-fire way to appease my occasional mood swings. Ice cream makes me happy, chocolate takes my mind off heartaches and heartbreaks, and a slice of blueberry cheesecake keeps me from sighing and sobbing. I’ve been trying to stay away from these high-calorie, high-ringgit-costing treats though. They’re not really doing my waistline and wallet much good.
I failed myself this afternoon though. I hopped on the wrong bus, got stuck in the pouring rain, and had to wait for what seemed like eternity to get on the right bus — all on an empty stomach and on a mind filled with interpolating values. Thus the empty choc-o mochachip cookie wrapper.
Sigh. Thankfully, I’ve learned to exercise more self-control on all other areas of my life.
Self control. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23) Against such things, there is NO law. There is no LAW against such things. I am free to exercise love. There is freedom in having peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness. And there is great, great freedom in having self-control. Okay. So I’m being tested on all those things. Tested if indeed the fruit is ripe within me. So be it. “Take me through the fire. Take me through the flame. Take me through the testing, I’ll do anything.” (Misty Edwards, Fling Wide) *Tears.* Yes. Continue to take me through the fire, Daddy God.
Through the fire. Let me tell you – it’s not easy going through the fire and the flame. It hurts, it burns, and if you won’t let those stubborn blemishes be purged by the fire – my goodness. I’m just thankful I haven’t experienced going through any literal fires and flames during my lifetime. But I told God that I was willing to go through this. And I want to come out as gold. Not as a heap of coal and ashes.
I’ll say that again. I want pure gold, not a heap of coal and ashes.
Well, that’s a whole load off my chest.
Let’s see if I can get to sleep this time and not wake up once again to headaches, heartaches, and whatnots.