Call me Melancholic

Call me melancholic. Call me mushy. Call me sentimental. Call me whatever you want. Because I’m not denying it. Today, I choose to be perfectly melan. Perfectly mushy. Perfectly sentimental. Why?

Because I’m turning five today. Imagine that.

Well of course I’m not turning five years old biologically. Who’s ever heard of a five year old taking up her Master’s degree? Hahaha.

Well, I’m not aging in terms of my natural years. I’m aging in terms of my spiritual years.
It’s been five years since I gave my life to the Lord.

Five years. Five years since I stepped into that upper room of the Aqua Altria Refilling station, unaware that I would step out and become a completely different person. Five years since I learned to sing the lines “I worship You my God, I worship You my God, I love You, I love You” with all my heart and with all my spirit. Five years since I allowed the very Spirit of God to come into my very life. Five faithful, faithful years.


Because I so
missed the Thursday late night soakings at the Mincen, I had my very own soaking time here in my dormitory. It was a teary session because God once again brought me back to that place of remembrance with Him. He brought me back to that time when I first had a face to face encounter with the Godhead. He brought me back to the moment wherein I traded a life of masked insecurity, hurt, and bitterness for a life marked with acceptance, healing, and forgiveness. And He brought me through those years of falling in Love with Him, through those mornings spent with Him in the secret place, those days of learning to walk in His ways, those nights of tears and of surrender, through those cherished, cherished pages of our story together.

Every memory stone was brought out, and an altar was built. An altar of thanksgiving. An altar of worship. An altar of surrender.

My life is on that altar once again. Because I’m in this place where my dreams are already unfolding
but the future still remains unclear. I’ve been released but I know that this is not yet the fullness of my call. I’m already in my promised land but I know that it’s not the only land that I’m meant to conquer. But I’m just assured that because my God has been faithful all these five years, He would still continue to be faithful. He’ll be faithful until the end. And knowing that He will be with me until eternity is through – it’s already more than enough for me.

I’m excited for more. The best years of my life are still to come. :)

Been a While

It’s been a while since I last blogged out my thoughts. Been a long time since ‘Mari Melancholia’ has made its way to this part of the World Wide Web. I’m sure you all missed me. I’m sure this blog has missed me as well.

I know I have. Missed this blog, I mean.

So allow my fingers to dance upon my keyboard once again. And allow my thoughts and creativity make its way through the Web and into your world.

I guess one big reason why I have chosen to fast on blogging is because (I’m quoting a lot of people here) there are some things better off left unsaid. Oh sure. I’m having my share of adventures here in Malaysia. Been having one practically every week since I got here. But this blog speaks none of it. Well, okay. I have a confession. This blog speaks none about my adventures but I’ve been bombarding some people with emails containing the juicy details of practically all my weekly exploits.

all. But not really all. Because there are just some things that are still too precious to share, things that are still between me and God.

It’s not that I want to keep all these things to myself. It’s not that I don’t want to disclose anything to you either. But there are still some things that are not for public consumption. And there’s beauty in silence. Just as there is beauty in walking away.

Beauty in walking away.
Haha. A perfect song for a farewell video. Last Monday, my IT lecturer talked to our class about database migration. I found the lecture riveting and absorbing. But please forgive me. The lecture didn’t intrigue me because I saw at that point all the possible ways that I could move the databases that I would later on create. Sorry. I’m really not that much of a nerd. But the lecture caught my attention because as I listened, I tried to identify which migration plan best described my ‘moving on’.

Could have been the direct migration plan. Leave everything behind and start off with a clean slate.

Might have been the parallel migration plan. Have a period of adjustment first. When you’re done with that, well then, it’s time to move on.

Or was it possibly the pilot migration plan? Test the new stuff on one aspect of your life. If it works, then let the new stuff overtake the rest of your life as well.

But it was probably the staged migration plan that truly fit the bill.
Hinay-hinay lang muna. (Though God has an incredibly weird definition of the word ‘hinay-hinay‘!) Take it one step at a time. But remember to keep moving forward.

Keep moving forward.
Kasi pag backward, matatapilok ka,’ so quotes a good friend of mine. It’s so true. Right now, I have no other option but to keep moving forward. Because if I would ever even dare to fall back, I’d end up doing just that – FALL. And if I would ever try to remain just the way that I am, merely sticking to the status quo, I’d end up exactly in that state. STUCK.

Well, I’m moving. Have moved on, now I keep on moving forward.

So now where is this blog heading?

Well, it’s heading to this set of ellipses here. Until the next blog. :)