No more “Default Mode.” It is illegal to go back to “default mode.”
It’s Tuesday, three days after the Leadership Summit. I know that I have received so much and I do not want to let all that God has poured out upon me go to a waste.
My head is throbbing. Of course, the throbbing is nothing compared to the throbbing that my head had to go through last Saturday. Why all the throbbing? (Throb, throb, throb…) Well, what should one expect to experience after travailing until one’s blood vessels would pop (literally)?
Right now, I’m just going to blog everything down, with no definite theme in mind, with no definite introduction, body and conclusion, with no definite structure. I just want to write down the overflow that my heart, my spirit is experiencing right now.
Isaiah 54:1-3
1 “Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the
desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the
place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.”
Kuya Paul shared about this word during one of the sessions in the summit. The word is just so real to me because I really feel the need to increase in the spirit. Since the beginning of the year, I have been asking God to increase me, to increase my capacity to love, to increase my capacity to host His presence. I truly believe that the “amount of God” that I have been hosting before is no longer enough, it is no longer sufficient. In fact, it is totally inadequate! Just this year, I have begun to really embrace the Kids Ministry. It is true that I have been teaching Sunday School for over a year now (I’ve been teaching since 2006!) but it has only been this year that God has really poured out His heart for the kids (though I’m asking for more, because I really, truly, believe that there is more). Along with the increase in heart for the kids comes a need to increase in anointing because it is my heart that when I stand to teach in Sunday School, I would not only “teach” what the kids need to know, but instead I would impart life. I’m tired of merely amusing the kids with stories, tired of just trying to hold their attention, tired of just allowing them to play games and do activities… I want more. I want to see them pray, I want to see them worship God in spirit and in truth, I want to see them lay their hands on the sick and see them get healed, I want to see them reaching out to their schoolmates, to their playmates, even to their relatives…
I want to see them on their knees, praying prayers that would shake the gates of heaven and hell… And I want to play a part in leading them to that place where they operate in the supernatural. I want to play a part in releasing these kids from any pain or hurt that they have experienced in the past. I want to play a part in releasing these kids to their destiny. I want to play a part in letting these kids experience the love of God. But I need to increase… I need to devote more time to prayer, to intercession for the kids… I need to love more… to really give my life to the kids ministry, to the point that I would die for it. I need more of God.
Not only that I have my cell to consider. I have the G-12 that I am under, and I have the people under me.
Love, love, love…. God’s unconditional, agape love… It’s the only thing that really keeps me going. That and the vision. Without love, I would have given up long ago… And, since the beginning of the year, God has placed it in my heart to bleed even more for my cellmates, to go an extra mile further. An extra mile
further. An extra mile further. An extra mile further. God, help me. I need more. I simply need more of Him, or else my human strength and my human love would just give way. I need more of God.
In addition to that I have intercession and worship to consider… Lord… More love… more power… more of You in my life… (Nandoon kasi si kuya ico, mahirap, baka mag-give up na ako pag walang love… harharhar). Someone released a prayer to me before that I would sing prophetic songs, songs that would touch the nations. God. I know I have little to offer, but as I operate in that prophetic realm, and as I
operate in intimacy with the anointing of Esther… I pray that even as I sing songs, as I minister to the heart of my Father, as I delight in Him and He delights in me… the gates of heaven and hell would just shake and things will be released in the spirit. But I need more of Him. I need more of God.
In addition to all these… I have my classes to consider… Lord… I am learning that it is not easy being a
teacher. Read my previous post and find out. I need love… love… love… I need more of Him. If I desire to be a vessel of His love, a vessel in which His glory shall be revealed, if I desire my students to see God’s glory through me… I need more of Him. I need more of God.
And that – that great need for more of God – plus the desire, that fierce, fierce desire to be a friend of God – is the very reason why most of the blood vessels around my head gave way, causing my head to throb and making me look very much bruised-looking from Saturday until Sunday.
I believe God has already granted me that more. Someone prophesied to me about something and
I’m already holding on to that word. But I have to take care not to go back to default mode. I’m still pressing in, believing for more. More Lord, more.
Written at: ICS C-117
scribbles and stories 