One… two… three… BREATHE

October is approaching. So are the deadlines, the third long exams and the Finals.

Okay. Stop. Breathe.

By next week I’ll be bombarded with the numerous group meetings, cramming nights and…

Hold on. Breathe again.

This week is my week of rest. I have no exams. (Academically speaking that is. In terms of LIFE exams, God has different things in mind.) Yet, once the next week starts, I won’t be able to stop those exams from coming (ang going… and making way for the next). Sleepless nights, here I come.

It’s not that I’m not used to this. I have already spent three separate nights for three different subjects (CMSC 150, SOSC1, CMSC124), literally working/studying straight without any sleep. I guess I’ll just have to add a couple more to that list.

Lists. Hahaha. I have to learn about lists in java. That’s a laugh. I’m in the third year and I still don’t know how lists work, or even how to declare lists in java.

Java. Mocha java anyone? I’m trying not to become too stressed out this week. I’ve had enough of that for the previous weeks. I mean, what with all the exams, the requirements, the emotianal turmoil, and the “beatings” from the Lord that I had to go through… And now this. Not this. Not this again. Lord, I can’t handle it. Not now. Not now. Can You take my emotions away for a while? I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of being unappreciated. I’m tired of being the one who has to apologize. Pero sige lang.

Waaa… And to think that this week is not yet “heavy” compared to those weeks to come.

I’m holding on to a promise though. That this season, things are going to be different. It’s a NEW season. Winter has passed and spring has come. (The weather agrees with me though the calendar doesn’t). That’s why, right now, I’m letting go of everything. I’m free falling. I’m letting go and falling… into the arms of the Father…

Misty Edwards says it well in her song, “Just in time”:

Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I find that I’m full of knowing nothing
I find that I’m hungry for the fullness of Christ.

Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I’m LETTING GO of the mountain view
I’m letting go but WHAT INTO???

I’ve been crucified with Christ, I’ve been crucified with Christ
I’ve been crucified with Christ, Yet not I

The one thing I  know
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
JUST IN TIME

See? Everything will turn out beautifully. Just in time. Just in time.

Sigh. Halfway through my breathing period. Only a few more days to go,

one… two… three… BREATHE.

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Eyes

Eyes

          In your eyes
                                I see
                                        Pain
                                                Hurt
                                                        Agony

                           In your eyes
                                      I perceive
                                                 Anguish that goes down
                                                              So
                                                                    Deeply

                                                    In your eyes         
                                             I observe
                                        The whirl of emotions
                                     That you cannot contain
                                           Nor explain…

                                   But in your eyes
                            I see

           Beauty longing to break free
     Because deep in the eyes that contain misery
   Lies a silent hope
  that I will indeed make things the way
  they were indeed meant to
be.

                                                      Now
                                                 My child
                                             Look into Mine
                                         And see Eyes that
                                       Understand
                                      Eyes that heal
                                     Eyes that restore
                                   Eyes that say “Be whole,
                                                            My child,
                                                  once more.”

They say that our eyes are the windows of our soul. Through our eyes, things that we do not intend to reveal could be seen with just a glance. A lot of secret emotions could be seen with just one look into our eyes. Pain. Hurt. Agony. You name it.

A lot of times, we choose not to reveal these emotions. That’s why we tend to look away when our hearts are on the verge of breaking. Yet, there are a pair of eyes that see the things that we try so much to hide from others. Our Father’s eyes.

He sees everything. He does not need to look straight into our eyes to know the things that we are going through – the things that we are feeling. Yet He still chooses to let His gaze burn into ours. He still chooses to look at us directly in the eye.

Even when we try to avoid His gaze, He, in His own gentle way, still chooses to lift our gaze into His. We may come to Him with downcast eyes, afraid of the things our eyes might reveal, or afraid to look into the eyes of the One whom we love, but He would just simply draw our eyes unto Him. Unto the eyes of the Father. Unto the eyes of our Dad.

What else can I say?