Live in each moment, each melody, each note
Savor every chord, every unique part of the song
Each piece is a delicate wonder
Destroyed if rushed or held on for too long…
Behold my vain attempts at verse. It has been a long time since my heart has held a piece of poetry, and an even longer time since I have written something of that manner (Uhmm… well I guess four months is an awfully long time!) But the thing is, I had wanted to describe what is happening to me right now, disguised in verses of a poem… Yet… it does not want to be written that way.
Oh, well. Here goes.
I attended a wedding last Saturday. My first wedding (persuading according to Ate Jane and Ate Nevs). At least the first wedding where I took some active part in and the first wedding that I could remember that I took an active part in. I could barely remember the two weddings where I had been a flower girl as a child. And the 50th Golden wedding anniversary that I attended as a flower girl (again) when I was in the second grade barely counts as well. And as for the last wedding that I attended… hmm… I was just a viewer and I was not able to pick up much from it. Add the wedding in California to that list.
So Saturday was my first wedding. My first wedding with the DMI family. It was the wedding of Ate Fe and Kuya Itoh.
The wedding was awesome. I really enjoyed it despite the stormy mood that I was in that morning. (Yup, I was in a rather stormy, or rather cloudy mood, and I was even trying to cheer myself up by forcing myself to think of happy thoughts – yet, much to my despair, I couldn’t come up with any.) The place was beautiful, the ushers (ahem ahem), bridesmaids(ahem ahem) and maids of honor (ahem) had transformed from frantic to fabulous. And the bride? The bride was just so radiant… What I love the most about the wedding, however, were the lessons that God had placed in my heart and in my spirit.
I was one of the only two persons from SOD-LB in that wedding (ate nevs was the other one). I did not regret coming. After all, I had managed to help out in the media (LCD, powerpoint… hahaha. These instruments still call forth my name.) Yet, I just can’t help but chuckle when I think about the other, or perhaps the main reason why I was there in the wedding.
I was there to play the violin.
It was only a small piece. Just the chorus of one particular song. I played it during that part where all eyes would be on the bride (and thankfully not on me). Yet, these things did not keep me from the pressure of doing my best. And it did not keep me from feeling NERVOUS, PETRIFIED, SCARED STIFF.
The last time that I played the violin with a microphone present to pick up the sound was… well, it was during my last moments with the worship team… (I still remember the song… I think it was This Kingdom). And that was a very, VERY long time ago.
I was not able to warm up much before playing. Even if I was able to, it would not have probably done much to improve the way that I played that wedding. Anyway, if you were there to witness those moments…
Ate Rein said that I was shaking. I was. I could feel my knees trembling, the waves traveling from my legs up to my elbows, to my wrist, to my fingers, through the bows and through the strings. The prospect of playing alone, being one of the only sounds in the room (the room was so hushed because of the bride’s arrival)… That made me so nervous…
I thank God so much because Kuya Verge came in somewhere in the middle of the chorus… Salamat at nandoon siya para sumalo. I was still shaking by the end.
The rest of the wedding progressed and I just kept my focus on the ceremony, on the bride, on the groom, and on the laptop.
I sit here in front of my laptop a few days later trying to sort out all the lessons that have been incubating in my spirit since that time. I know that something has happened in my heart during and after that wedding. Something happened when I witnessed the bride and groom exchanged their vows. Something happened during the reception when I witnessed the powerpoint presentation about the couple. Something happened during the post-party clean-up process when the DMI peeps were still trying to squeeze in some last minute picture taking (you should have seen Kuya Lester and Ate Jane ) And something happened during that ride back to LB when the professionals were just singing their tiredness away.
I still can’t fully put that something into words, but I’ll try anyway.
If you try to look into the message of that rather short poem I put in at the beginning of this piece (if you would call it a poem) it speaks of savoring each moment and not rushing into the end of the song. I learned that when I played the violin that afternoon. You can’t just rush every note and expect a great outcome in the end. You have to give your all in every note, try to hit each note correctly, but if you can’t – just continue the piece and try to play it as beautifully as you can. If the prospect of playing the melody alone is what scares you… don’t worry… you are never alone. Believe it or not, there’ll always be others who would act as a safety mat along the way.
Place this lesson in the context of our own lives. Live each moment. Each moment is different yet it holds a delicate wonder. The moment may be difficult. Or it may be joyful. But you know what? Just enjoy the moment. Give your all to that moment. Never let that moment pass without God teaching you something about it. And never ever, EVER rush. Sometimes, there is a part of us that just wants to get through this part of our lives and move on to the next… Women, admit it. Something about weddings stirs up that longing inside our hearts… But you know what I have learned? DON’T RUSH. Try to rush and you’ll end up with a horrendous melody. You’ll regret not being able to give your best during those stages in your life that you could have enjoyed.
Ate Fe and Kuya Itoh waited 11 years. Think about that. Eleven years. I can say nothing more.
But you know what? I believe it was all worth it.
It’s all going to be worth it. By the end of this song, you’ll realize that it is all going to be worth it. Sure, there’ll be some bad notes, but never come to that point where you’ll regret even playing that melody called life. I know a lot about bad notes. I have experienced it both in playing the violin at the wedding and in living out my life. I know of the mistakes that can occur but you just have to keep playing. In the end, it’s all going to be worth it.
One of the perks of the evening was when somebody gave me a pat on the back. It encouraged me to have somebody – to have anybody – pat me on the back after playing through the piece with trembling knees. You know what? When we finally reach the end of our melodies, our Father would be right there, ready to embrace us and give us THAT pat on our backs which we so badly need.
Live each moment. Savor each note. Never rush. Yet do not hold on for too long. Learn to let go, let loose… and just learn to fall into the Arms of Love – the arms of the Father…