Past…present… and future tense

Terrified. Excited. Nervous. Ecstatic. Such range of emotions swirl inside me as the first day of this new school year draws closer.

It’s strange how you can feel such contrasting emotions at exactly the same time. Though it may be perfectly normal to sanguine people, to a melancholy person like me, it is quite strange and awkward. Yet, I can not deny that those feelings of terror and – at the same time – anticipation are here, raging up inside me.

I usually feel this way when something new is about to happen. And it is no wonder since my formal year as a sophomore is approaching. Though I did have a sophomore standing during the summer, starting my actual second year of college is totaly different. Once this semester starts, I will no longer be a baby. There will be new people looking up to me, treating me the way that I have treated my ates and kuyas. A new generation would cause me to grow up and mature even further.

Mature even further. Just the thought of it scares, yet excites me at the same time. Yes, I will be a more mature mari, however, I do not have any idea how that mari is going to turn out. Only God knows that. I will just continue to put my trust in His perfect ways.

Trusting in His perfect ways. It’s wonderful how I could finally say this phrase with all my heart. A year ago it would have been awkward. Even mentioning God in an entry like this would make me feel strange and I would probably think twice before doing so. Yet, that was a year ago. A lot has changed since then. I realized it this morning when I woke up and posters of Britney Spears were no longer staring back at me, when what greeted me this morning were some homemade posters containing a few encouraging scriptures. And I am eternally grateful for that change – the change caused by the healing power of Jesus.

It’s hard to think that I was such a different person one year ago. Yet, looking back at the way I was before, it makes me wonder – If such a change could happen in just one year, then what would I be like in a year from now…? I believe that there would be many more changes in me and I have faith that these changes will not only be for my own good but will be for the glory of God… so that I will become a better person – a better child of God. For in Christ, things do not follow the law of entropy (the tendency to go from order to disorder) but instead, things change from glory… to GLORY.

Knowing this however, still does not take away the jitters inside me.

Sigh.

A whole new school year, a whole new adventure. I wonder… what does the Lord have in store for me this time…?

 

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